We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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