Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
