It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
