do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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