When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
