Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
