WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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