You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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