You're completely useless in the revolution.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
