her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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