my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
