Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
