The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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