i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
