Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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