she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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