one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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