i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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