And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
