my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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