Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
