I am in a vortex of obligation.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
