I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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