Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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