i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
