Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
