I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
