i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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