now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Houston, we have a blender
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
