So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
worst night to have a conscience
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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