chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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