Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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