I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
