I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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