Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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