In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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