Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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