I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
