I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
