Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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