Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
