My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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