maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
