yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
