PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I puked a lego.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
