i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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