i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
