also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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