I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
