sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
