The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
