dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize