Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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