today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Are we still banned from the library?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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