She announced her abortion via fbk
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
