That's intense
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
