Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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