woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
