Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You dont lie about slip and slides
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
