i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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