i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
