wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
NoShamevember. You game?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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