i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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