let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
