My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
ttyl tear gas
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
