Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
