things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
