My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That accounts for only three of the penises
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
