Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize