Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
