I wanna passion pit in your ass
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
