I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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