At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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